If he loved me, if she respected me... we may not utter nary the word, but we sure do think it in our minds, whether it is subconscious or conscious, and it reflects in our bodies, our tone of voice, and our actions toward each other. If we think this way then why is it we think that they, whoever they may be, whether it be a loved one, a spouse, a boy friend or our boss, should get why we are upset? Do they know our rules? We set ourselves up for a crash! Boom! Bang! We expect them to read our minds!
If he loved me he wouldn't even look at another woman! I have heard this from many women.
If she loved me she would understand I am a guy, guys look, they talk, but as long as I don;t touch right?
Wrong.
This puts us at a flatline! The relationship is then very much in question, and we wonder why they don't get it!
We feel like the way we think is not important because I mean after all they should understand! Right???
Again, wrong.
They don't understand.
Have you ever seen a greeting card?
The people that create and print those magnificent creations They also have a perfect sense of color. When you say blue they put things in place for the perfect blue, they know all the way from bright white to cream with every shade in between, but us? We see our version of white. What ever that is. We say white and the person we say it to sees white as well, but maybe, possibly , if we put the two side by side one would actually not even seem white! hat would be minute little differences that take white to a totally different shade or color!
So how does this relate to relating?
Those minute details, such as If He really loved me he wouldn't talk to me like that, or I she really loved me she would cook dinner and clean up every night, without presences and communication with each other are simply mind reading, which is close to impossible because we are so focused on what rule of ours is being violated we forget there is a whole other person involved. We are using this violation as a way to feel important, I mean of course I am important, what I feel is important to me if not anyone else! We use it to connect to ourselves and those important feelings!, We use it to gt variety, i mean we can't focus on what other people need all day! I we use it to create a safe place to feel our feelings of rage and hostility, even if it means disconnecting from that other person because I mean how dare they think differently then me!
At this point I find myself giggling at how absurd this all sounds, but also know how true it is that we feel this way, or close to it!
So what is another way?
How do we move from mind reading into communicating?
First we have to stop focusing on ourselves and the wrongs we think have happened, and then we have to be curious. Yes find curiosity! Pull out the Sherlock hat and the magnifying glass and look for clues as to WHY the person MAY just be acting the way they are acting! Find out, with curiosity using questions like, hey, I am curious, and be curious. You can try to fake it and it might work for a while but really you need to find your curious and take it out of judgement and attack and really be curious about how to create the wonderful lasting relationship you want! You deserve ! You absolutely crave!
When you get out of judgement and get into curious you can find all kinds of great things and ask all kinds of new questions and uncover a brand new level of relationship you never thought was possible, that stress less relationship will improve your health like you wouldn't believe!
Were talking a stronger heart! I am talking an improved immune system, and so many other things including more stable blood sugars!
Try it, Get curious people!
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